“Sometimes you hit a point where you either change or self
destruct.”
Sam Stevens
Sam Stevens
As a child, teenager and an adult
everyone wants to be loved and accepted. When it’s strenuous to encounter the acceptance
and love you’ve been so desperately trying to gain from family, friends and
society, self-loathing ensues within yourself. Self-hatred stems from your
childhood experiences; the tormenting words from your bullies, or the inability
of excelling in a subject or even disliking specific traits or qualities about
yourself. Within time, the circuit of self-loathing
wraps itself around your vulnerable brain and ceases all the positive light. From
there on it all becomes emotional pain; the worst
kind of pain.
All the guilt, shame and fear are
starting to get “too much” to handle and the pain needs to get released
somehow. You turn to substance abuse, self-harm, eating disorders and/or
violence. You think its the way of “taking your own shame and guilt on
yourself”. You believe that it’s “the only thing you can control”.
Well if it truly is something you
can control, why is it so damn destructive?
Why is the pain still there? Why is
the cycle never ending?
You are still broken and bruised.
You are still your same vulnerable self before you turned to self-sabotage. So,
why are you doubling the amount of
pain?
The cycle can and will be
completely destroyed once you realize that you cannot do this on your own. You
need help, and there’s nothing more
beautiful than seeing someone who is willing to change him or herself to the
better. Start off by detaching yourself from your destructive attitudes (self
harm, eating disorders, substance abuse…etc.), as hard as it may seem to do so,
a feeling of relief and satisfaction will find its way to you. Subsequently,
distance yourself from the negative traits that the people in your life have “given”
to you. The next step involves you defying the defense mechanisms that you’ve
adapted to over the years, don’t be afraid of facing what the world has
prepared for you. Lastly, start to develop your own values, beliefs and principles.
Choose the person that you want to
be. (The Self under Siege: A Therapeutic Model for Differentiation.)
You are the only person who can
break this cycle, don’t live your life being a victim of this cycle. Escape it
and refuse to allow self-loathing and self-sabotage to weigh you down once
again. The past will always remain in the past; you do not deserve any amount of pain for your mistakes. Nor are you a failure. You deserve a beautiful life
filled with bliss and happiness, so go grab it; it’s waiting for you.
“We cannot solve our problems
with the same thinking we used when we created them.” – Albert Einstein
