The Cycle of Self Loathing & Self Sabotage

“Sometimes you hit a point where you either change or self destruct.”
 Sam Stevens

As a child, teenager and an adult everyone wants to be loved and accepted. When it’s strenuous to encounter the acceptance and love you’ve been so desperately trying to gain from family, friends and society, self-loathing ensues within yourself. Self-hatred stems from your childhood experiences; the tormenting words from your bullies, or the inability of excelling in a subject or even disliking specific traits or qualities about yourself.  Within time, the circuit of self-loathing wraps itself around your vulnerable brain and ceases all the positive light. From there on it all becomes emotional pain; the worst kind of pain.

All the guilt, shame and fear are starting to get “too much” to handle and the pain needs to get released somehow. You turn to substance abuse, self-harm, eating disorders and/or violence. You think its the way of “taking your own shame and guilt on yourself”. You believe that it’s “the only thing you can control”.

Well if it truly is something you can control, why is it so damn destructive? Why is the pain still there? Why is the cycle never ending?

You are still broken and bruised. You are still your same vulnerable self before you turned to self-sabotage. So, why are you doubling the amount of pain?

The cycle can and will be completely destroyed once you realize that you cannot do this on your own. You need help, and there’s nothing more beautiful than seeing someone who is willing to change him or herself to the better. Start off by detaching yourself from your destructive attitudes (self harm, eating disorders, substance abuse…etc.), as hard as it may seem to do so, a feeling of relief and satisfaction will find its way to you. Subsequently, distance yourself from the negative traits that the people in your life have “given” to you. The next step involves you defying the defense mechanisms that you’ve adapted to over the years, don’t be afraid of facing what the world has prepared for you. Lastly, start to develop your own values, beliefs and principles. Choose the person that you want to be. (The Self under Siege: A Therapeutic Model for Differentiation.)

You are the only person who can break this cycle, don’t live your life being a victim of this cycle. Escape it and refuse to allow self-loathing and self-sabotage to weigh you down once again. The past will always remain in the past; you do not deserve any amount of pain for your mistakes. Nor are you a failure. You deserve a beautiful life filled with bliss and happiness, so go grab it; it’s waiting for you.

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” – Albert Einstein