The Thin Line Between Guilt & Shame

“Vulnerability is not weakness. And that myth is profoundly dangerous.”

The mayhems of life are inevitable, but how you react towards the unrest is what will allow you to truly free yourself from yourself.

Anxiety vs Serenity

“Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.”

Arthur Somers Roche

In a moment of deep fear and unease, you are most likely going to experience a series of distressing symptoms, thoughts and emotions. Trapped in your mind with the fear of being judged by everyone near you: strangers, family members, friends even teachers. Either thinking of when you are going to fail at some point or thinking about what already has gone wrong. You will soon begin to fall into the habit of waiting for that moment of failure because of the countless moments that you have felt this way. The moments were you do not have a choice on whether your anxiety will control you or if you will control it, the moment where communication is the worst part of your day and the moment where people seem as if they were built just to ridicule you, where physical, mental and emotional exhaustion are constant, making you feel as if their will never be a way out.

But there is one. Frankly, there is more than one. Anxiety is strongly associated with communication and socialization, immediately creating an image of how you should speak, communicate and say to others. Media plays a huge role in anxiety, allowing you to set boundaries and limits for yourself, and refraining you from the freedom of expression. Even so, you need to begin to be comfortable in your own skin. Whether it is a struggle to do so or not, sing on your own, dance on your own, and do tacky things on your own. It will allow you to begin to be comfortable in yourself due to the fact that you have done the weirdest things on your own.

When you are standing in front of a crowd or in front of the class, attempting to present something or say something and you feel that lump in your throat starting to form, your muscles starting to tighten and you find yourself stuttering and pausing in front of all these eyes, just remember that you are not doing anything your weird dance or singing horribly, you are doing just fine. You know what you are doing and you can make it through that presentation or speech. Allow yourself to concentrate and focus on the information that you already know.

If you are afraid of judgment and what other people think of you, do not allow yourself to fall into the pit of trying to be what everyone wants you to be. You are more valuable and important when you are your own person, when you are different, because different means interesting, as much as the media portrays the idea of having everyone similar, same size, same height, same looks you should be distinguishable because aiming for perfection is the road to destruction.

In addition, do not forget that there are over seven billion people living, if some of them see you doing something that is not “normal” and laugh at you, they will soon forget it because your failures are just a mere moment of time that will soon be over and forgotten. It is okay to have done something embarrassing but do not allow your mind to make you feel like your life is a series of failures or embarrassments, you have to undergo struggles in order to undergo success yet it takes time to see it and accept it.

Check out this website: 37 Freeing Quotes For People With Anxiety               

You Are Enough

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”

   Marilyn Monroe

    Self worth comes from within, it can’t be given nor is it defined by someone else’s opinion of you.  Others surrounding you will never be able to determine your self worth no matter how much their words have an affect on you. Always remember that you are worth more than the distance between your thighs, you are worth more than the amount of make up you have or don’t have on, you are worth more than the number of friends you have or don’t have. You are unquestionably worth more than the value you’ve placed on yourself because your worth is not a number or a scale. Your worth is infinite. It is unlimited, its boundless, its everlasting.

   Do not underestimate yourself or question your self worth. Your self worth is not determined by what is visible on the outside but what remains hidden on the inside. Others do not know how smart you are or how lovable you are just by looking at you. Others will respect and eventually learn to accept you once you show yourself that you are worth more than the labels others have put on you. Love yourself so others can love you; accept yourself with all your flaws so others can accept you, forgive yourself for your mistakes so others can forgive you. It all begins when you realize that you are just as wonderful as you wish to be because there is nothing about you that should be changed unless it’s for the better.  If there is something you should change about yourself that will make you a better version of yourself then go for it.

   With the series of events that have happened or will happen in your life, they cannot and should not decrease your worth by a drop because there are things in life that you cant control. Life is filled with undiscovered mysteries located around us, things we don’t dare question their significance because we are uncertain of their potential.

   Treat yourself the way you’d treat your newborn baby, lovingly, gently and affectionately. Don’t forget that you’re human too and you need love and affection just as much as anyone else. No matter how strong you appear to be, you still need someone’s affection to comfort you when you’re vulnerable. 

The Cycle of Self Loathing & Self Sabotage

“Sometimes you hit a point where you either change or self destruct.”
 Sam Stevens

As a child, teenager and an adult everyone wants to be loved and accepted. When it’s strenuous to encounter the acceptance and love you’ve been so desperately trying to gain from family, friends and society, self-loathing ensues within yourself. Self-hatred stems from your childhood experiences; the tormenting words from your bullies, or the inability of excelling in a subject or even disliking specific traits or qualities about yourself.  Within time, the circuit of self-loathing wraps itself around your vulnerable brain and ceases all the positive light. From there on it all becomes emotional pain; the worst kind of pain.

All the guilt, shame and fear are starting to get “too much” to handle and the pain needs to get released somehow. You turn to substance abuse, self-harm, eating disorders and/or violence. You think its the way of “taking your own shame and guilt on yourself”. You believe that it’s “the only thing you can control”.

Well if it truly is something you can control, why is it so damn destructive? Why is the pain still there? Why is the cycle never ending?

You are still broken and bruised. You are still your same vulnerable self before you turned to self-sabotage. So, why are you doubling the amount of pain?

The cycle can and will be completely destroyed once you realize that you cannot do this on your own. You need help, and there’s nothing more beautiful than seeing someone who is willing to change him or herself to the better. Start off by detaching yourself from your destructive attitudes (self harm, eating disorders, substance abuse…etc.), as hard as it may seem to do so, a feeling of relief and satisfaction will find its way to you. Subsequently, distance yourself from the negative traits that the people in your life have “given” to you. The next step involves you defying the defense mechanisms that you’ve adapted to over the years, don’t be afraid of facing what the world has prepared for you. Lastly, start to develop your own values, beliefs and principles. Choose the person that you want to be. (The Self under Siege: A Therapeutic Model for Differentiation.)

You are the only person who can break this cycle, don’t live your life being a victim of this cycle. Escape it and refuse to allow self-loathing and self-sabotage to weigh you down once again. The past will always remain in the past; you do not deserve any amount of pain for your mistakes. Nor are you a failure. You deserve a beautiful life filled with bliss and happiness, so go grab it; it’s waiting for you.

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” – Albert Einstein